I’m Not Lovin’ It

♪ I hate pink hearts with glitter and Valentine’s dinner

I think cupid is stupid and violets are purple not blue

I hate love songs Yeah, I really do. ♫

 

These lyrics from Kelsea Ballerini’s newest single resonate with me. The theme of the song is about the use of mushy and preposterous phrasing about love, but the singer loves the partner she has found and is willing to overlook her former antipathy. I don’t care for all the silly and mushy phrasing, but I don’t have the partner that makes me willing to set those feelings aside.

Today is my least favorite day of the year. Every year of my adult life I have despised and dreaded this holiday. There’s several other days to celebrate in February. So many of my mother’s family has February birthdays and even mine is only a week and a half after Valentine’s Day. There’s at least some redemption because my twin first cousins-once removed celebrate their birthday on Valentine’s Day.

I will admit the only Valentine’s Day that I was in a relationship was uneventful and now I see it as a novelty that for once I had a reason to celebrate. Now, I’m back to at best ignoring the day and at worst seething about the day.

More often than not my negative default mode is to refer to today as Single Awareness Day (SAD) or Anti-Valentine’s Day (Anti-V-D Day). Yes, I know I sound like a misanthrope and that I hate romance, it’s quite the contrary—a hopeless romantic. If I am crushing on someone or somehow in a romantic relationship I fall hard. So, I try to show my affection for that person. I take issue with Valentine’s Day as being one day out of 365 that people find reason to be romantic. Why do couples only gush over each other on Valentine’s Day and probably their Anniversary. Personally, you should show your partner affection on August 19th because you want them to realize you love them. Why not August 19th, March 6th, or November 29th or any of the other 365 days? Singling one day out puts too much undue pressure on each party.

Yes, I know much of my feelings and this post are sour grapes given my current romantic situation but that’s the attitude I am choosing and am not likely to be swayed.

St. Valentine

Also, if you really want to be faithful to the patron saint of this day, anything you do has very little to do with romance or any other version of love. Medieval author Geoffery Chaucer took some artistic license with the account of St. Valentine and over time that has become the prevailing story we celebrate. Yet, the namesake of the day is believed to be Saint Valentine of Rome. St. Valentine defied the emperor’s orders and ministered to Christians as well as conducted Christian weddings. These ceremonies helped to prevent male believers from serving in the Roman Army since they were newly married and would likely receive a waiver from service. Another facet of this legend is that during his imprisonment St. Valentine healed the blind daughter of the judge in his case. Church officials chose February 14 because this is the day that St. Valentine was martyred for his disobedience to the Empire. I’m guessing that nobody is going to rush out and mimic any of the activities of this worthy Saint.

I know that I won’t be participating in any of the activities the historical St. Valentine did today or the more usual activities everyone else celebrates. I’ll be in lodge with my Brother Masons and probably stop at a Single Awareness Day event at a local pub. It’s also likely I will be my own Valentine and gorge on chocolate and candy which will look something like the clip below:

Do you enjoy Valentine’s Day? What do you have planned for the day? 

Don’t Worry Be Happy

♪ Don’t worry, be happy now♪ Many of us have sang along with this popular song from the 1980’s but singing it is easier said than done. I was reminded of this challenge while having a conversation with another pastor today. I lamented that my default attitude when by myself is to be depressed, lonely, and rejected. That’s not surprising as I have covered my issues with loneliness on this blog before, but I try not to linger on it.

I also am aware that much of my negative attitude is attributable to my ability to overthink. I see all the possible outcomes in a situation. All too often, I fixate on the negative possibilities and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when things go wrong. But as this graphic above points out, apparently I am not alone in overthinking.

I realized as part of that conversation that I have to work on being happy. I don’t struggle to find entertainment from film, television, or music that is designed to be positive and upbeat. Yet, it is necessary to include these forms of art and media in my daily life to overcome my natural negative tendencies. Admittedly, this is why I often eschew horror movies and emo music since they more than likely would feed into my negativity.

I believe that we were initially created to be joyful and happy but as a result of the Fall of Creation, we now experience depression and negativity in our lives. Realizing the Fall meant disease and toil is obvious, but depression and negativity can be overlooked as a consequence. This is only a working theory right now and I haven’t sussed out all the way. I am open to comment from others more informed than me.

I try also to use this blog as catharsis to help myself be aware of when my attitude is leaning towards the negative and course correct. It’s also helpful, for the entries that bring me fulfilment and purpose. Feeding my creativity with Poetry Wednesday and the ability to teach and comment on #HistoryMonday and #CurrentEventFriday helps me to find happiness as well. Here reader, take notice; be sure to alert me if my tone trends towards the negative and needs correction.

Oddly enough as an introvert, I do find joy from spending time with friends and loved ones. Introverts don’t always find energy from crowds and large social situations, and that’s true for me. I do find energy and joy from small groups of people that I care about and who care about me. These social interactions are also helpful since many of those same loved ones and friends are more positive in their attitudes which obviously rubs off on me. For that I am happy and thankful.

I am especially thankful that more people are becoming aware that too many struggle with mental health issues, including depression. The awareness that men struggle with depression and other negative thoughts is encouraging that men are allowed to have emotions and should be free to express them in healthy venues.

Do you struggle with depression and negativity? How do you overcome it?

 

 

 

Poetry Wednesday #10

“Roller Coaster”

Everything’s angering me, and it’s not haltn’.

I’m boiling over, so tense.

Why not? It’s always worse when I’ve been to the world of Walton.

Anger clouds my mind, nothing makes sense.

What am I going to do?

I can’t and I won’t move. Too much that’s scary.

Courage and cowboying up just can’t quite cut through.

My head I’m ready to bury.

Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.

No, everything is bad, I know everything is tragic.

What I would give for these tears to experience a drought.

If that happened, obviously that’d be some kind of magic.

Eventually I’ll find days of elation.

Hoping, pleading, and begging for something like euphoria.

Good, the happiness train is pulling into the station.

Those tears of rage, fear, and sadness have gone; now my heart is watered by a joyous noria.

© Ryan Stroud 2018